You're so nebulous sometimes
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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