I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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