wat bout pragnant strippers??
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
