This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
