its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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