It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
