Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
