Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
