Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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