I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
