Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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