not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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