if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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