I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
