There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
