Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
