She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
