they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
