All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
