And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
