the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
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we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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