My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My vagina is officially offended.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
