I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
