So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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