You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
