How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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