remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
