You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
