theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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