Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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