Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
