it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We're too hungover to prance.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
