smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
