Do you still have your period?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
