So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I love you.
Bad choice
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
