my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
