If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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