I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
