I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
