I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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