Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
