it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
