i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm like, not good at living.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
