just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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