Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
