I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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