i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
