now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
