i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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