You made me cry and you don't even care
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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