You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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