I just cut my nipple shaving
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
