how can u be prego again
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
