masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
