My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
