whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
