I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
