apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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