I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Of course I have a pirate flag
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
