It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
