We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
