when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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