guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
