What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
