1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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