So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
