dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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