thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
