Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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