chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
