WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
