His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
