dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
