She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
