When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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