i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
These tits shall not be calmed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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