I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
