Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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