i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
