Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
