I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
