Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
