So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
