Kiss
Puke
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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