i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
