Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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