RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i now understand why vodka
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
